Feb14

sometimes….

February 14, 2013 ⋅ by Ben Baller ⋅ 25 comments

sometimes you’ve gone too far to quit and other times you’ve worked too hard to continue. it’s a not so fine line. shit is crazy in life…. as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a late bloomer. I feel as if I could have had maybe 1 or 2 more years in college, I could have done something with playing ball, but that’s not how it works… fortunately in business, you have more time than just 4-5 years in college to figure shit out. it was a dream and basketball or football wasn’t in the books, I accepted that.

but now I’m at a crossroads with some things and I just felt like writing about it here.

I have a great family. a wife who has changed my life, she has calmed me down a lot and has given up her own career to hold down the household and of course our son. Business is really good, actually it’s great but I want a little more… so I have my watches dropping this year and 1/2 of my capsule collection with Diamond also releasing which will carry on to 2014 and maybe longer

but with this reality series? it’s not easy. if it was up to me, things would go different, but its a celebrity based show which I fucking hate. it drives me nuts. I honestly hate that part of the show. the part in which I feel is the key to my show is my character, not the celebrity aspect. I feel like I have dumbed so much shit down to cater to an audience which I feel isn’t truly mine. I’m not delusional but to be honest, I try pretty hard to avoid making rappers chains. I think I make maybe 3 to 4 per year at most, the rest is for pro athletes and the super rich and of course there are the hustlers. Of course there isn’t a major rapper or a signed rapper to a major label who doesn’t know my name… that’s not the point. At first going into this show, I made it more about “the lifestyle” not so much the jewelry itself… and that worked for me… but there was a privacy issue with letting people see too much of my private life. again, there is actually a whole lot that I can’t say or post pics about on social networks… these are things I enjoy with my closet of friends or family…. and again, rappers didn’t make my business. its what I allowed you all to see with certain press. they don’t pay my bills though.

so now after a 3rd try, we went to a google premium channel and my deal was to make this a celebrity driven show, not a character driven show. we don’t have wranglers doing any of the work to get my celebs. this is all my work and through my connections and let me tell you, that shit is not easy. Do you know how hard it is to convince a celebrity to be on my show? hey wanna be on my show? well, first off, you have to fucking really famous. 90% of some of my good friends who are famous didn’t even make the cut because my studio needed guys with insane social media status, a few millon or more at least…. okay cool, guess what? so now you have to buy something and most of my jewelry isn’t cheap. next up? I’m at the mercy of their schedule, not mine… I’m always on time and hate being late. these guys, they don’t care and when I put my entire life into this along with work and my other projects and then come home to raise my son it’s exhausting…. why do you think I haven’t been able to blog for almost 2 months? so we’re so close to wrapping up season 2 of my show, but honestly, I’ve lost interest in continuing. the trailer looks fucking amazing. it’s disgustingly awesome. looks better than most movie trailers and my team put in some good work. but getting things together isn’t my job. that’s the producer and studio’s job. the thing is, I don’t want to do shit if It’s all me, if that’s the case, then I need a few more titles and more money and they are paying me a LOT of money. so now I say, fuck the money, fuck the extra work that I won’t do anymore….

I hate the fact that there are always comparisons in life. some have it easy, some have it very hard…. I have bit my tongue when it comes to that k-town show. but let’s be totally brutally real now. you guys kidding me? you get 7 or 8 people who aren’t from LA and put them together when really all of them already know each other and FORCE THEM to interact in a total fake mostly scripted show and think that’s a good look? and about MY TOWN? smh. the difference is. I don’t want to be famous. I never had any aspirations of achieving fame. these guys??? some would give up a limb, but not so much a vital body part, but still a body part to have 4 minutes of real fame. it’s sad. but that’s hollywood and I’ve seen it for decades… I just wanted to have nice shit in life. I think I got that pretty much handled…. but when it came to my show I looked at it as a commercial to push my business and further build my brand and now? I’m exhausted and just want to buy a wingstop and maybe a starbucks and just spend the rest of my time with son and future kids. I’m over it pretty much. some people are thespians and love the craft of acting. I’m not an actor. with reality tv, the thing is, I hate shows like Jersey Shore or Shahs of Sunset. at least with Jersey Shore, these guys weren’t trying to be anything extra. but shahs? makes me sick to my stomach. I know some of these guys too. the reason why they got on the air was because Ryan Seacrest cosigned the show. otherwise they’d be in the k-town show situation. Tyrese and the jersey shore producers couldn’t get it sold and they even wanted to be the “asian jersey shore”??? really? smh. the crazy thing is my show probably relates to asians the least… but again I’m not after the fame. I’m highly attracted to the fortune. only because I worked so hard to give myself a better life and want my son to live a better life than I ever did coming up.

so where am I now in life?
I think this is the time where I go on vacation and chill out from the internet for a little while. At this point in my life, I still don’t expect things to be given to me, but I’ve also worked too hard to wait any longer for things I feel I deserve.

I’m 40 now and I’ve had way more promises broken than delivered to me. that’s life, but when it’s about 90% broken and 10% delivered in regards to any entertainment related business… it’s time to bow out from this shit. and on the flip side. I think I’ve truly delivered about 78% of any promise I’ve made from my teenager days to now to anyone I even slightly cared about. that’s a decent percentage.

I’m tired as fuck…. can’t wait to hit hawaii or europe with my son…. and parts of asia I haven’t been to in 6 years or longer.

so now this is where I’m coming from.
fuck fame, fuck people who are after it. since I was a little kid, I mean like 5 years old, I would hear at least once a month for about 20 years or more that, “oh Ben, you will be somebody famous one day”. why say that to me? I never gave a shit. if I did, I would have taken acting classes and went on auditions…. I never auditioned for every single feature film I’ve been in… but I don’t want to be daniel day lewis. he’s the real deal. I would feel like I cheated the world if I was next to him in a movie scene. I know what lane I need to be in. I don’t want to be on TMZ or US weekly for some gossip or scandal. I want to be able to watch a movie at the Grove or go to the grocery store without being bothered and these days, it’s already getting to the point where I can’t be anywhere semi crowded without being stopped every few minutes. I have a talent. a talent to build excitement. I have a powerful and persuasive voice and I know I’m a character and of course a marketing genius so I don’t feel like I’ve cheated my followers. most of these basic reality stars? they ain’t got shit else going on. no talent. once the show is over, they’re over or until that money runs out. fuck that. I will always hustle and grind til I’m at 10 figures and then? I will finally feel like I can breathe right

I’m grateful for my life. I know I’m blessed, but I busted my ass for every dollar… and I will not flip burgers because I know I have more to offer than that. I am better than that. to not acknowledge that would be foolish. to be real? some folks aren’t better than that, that’s their only option and they aren’t bad people. that’s all.

so I’ve worked this hard on this show…. 4 years and 5 months in the making and all now to pretty much let it go. to gain what? a lesson… you never lose the lesson. what is the lesson? I’m so dizzy and confused, the fuck if I even know…. smh

it’s late. I should at least try to sleep

peace
much love.

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COMMENTS (25)

  • KidWithACrownFebruary 15, 2013 2:00 am

    Its dope you shared these type of thoughts with us. Don’t hesitate on the intuition of fulfilling your families happiness and opportunity to experience the world. Blessings on your journey my nig.

  • PhilFebruary 15, 2013 2:39 am

    Fuck the suits Ben! Take a break, chill, figure out what you want. I’ve been following you since the myspace days and what I’ve always appreciated is your authenticity, entrepreneurial spirit and taste for luxury cars/ clothes etc with Sunny California being the back drop to all of the fun stuff you were doing- I couldn’t ask for any more! To be honest I’ve never really cared that much about the celebs. I would much rather see Ben Baller just being Ben Baller. If the reality show is definitely what you want to do, then just hire your own production team, shoot your own show so that you retain full creative control and upload it yourself. I’d love to see something that was almost like the video extension of this blog.
    You’ll figure it out man. All the best!

  • WinstonFebruary 15, 2013 5:13 am

    What’s good B? I feel you on that. Lay back and enjoy your time with the family. Gotta make the best of it, next thing you know your taking your son to preschool lol. Enjoy your self for once, you’ve worked so hard old man haha. Take it easy

  • JacksonFebruary 15, 2013 9:03 am

    Thanks Ben, for sharing your thoughts with us. Spending quality family time and getting as much R&R will help you out tremendously. Breaking out of that ongoing cycle of being burnt from hard work, is refreshing. It gives you a new outlook on everything. Have a great time traveling and we’ll be waiting for your return.

  • RFebruary 15, 2013 9:20 am

    Posts like these are what ppl should read when they say you’re a one dimensional character. Respect all day Ben. Can’t say I’m in a similar situation but I am in a point in my life where I can chase one thing or the other and this inspired me to make a decision. Thank you

  • jamesFebruary 15, 2013 10:46 am

    That’s some Dave Chappelle sheeit right there… You hustled real hard, not for fame/attention, but because that’s just who you are…

    Thanks for sharing.

  • AD_eightFebruary 15, 2013 11:20 am

    Yo Ben !
    Are the webisodes this season going to be longer than last season? I honestly think they should be. Great product tho!

  • Ben BallerFebruary 15, 2013 12:05 pm

    the thing is…. I don’t know if we will have a season 2 now.
    I have at least 4 days left of shooting. we’re not totally wrapped. and there’s voiceovers, etc.

    and yes, the episodes should be around 12-16 minutes long now. but again, March 4th is stretching it. I’m gone for the next 10 days. and then there’s editing. we’ll see. I’m doubtful

  • Old boyFebruary 15, 2013 3:51 pm

    Ben,

    Take some time out and recharge yourself.

    Lay in the sun with your loving family and just relax and think…. nothing.

    Once you comeback recharged, you’ll have a different view and energy to tackle whatever comes your way.

    Enjoy..!

  • SDFebruary 15, 2013 9:44 pm

    Hey Ben,

    Great post, I really enjoyed it. Honestly, life is short, and time is a commodity which is can never be replaced once used. I trully sympathize with you and where you are at life. Though the crossroads that you are at is different then mine, I know the difficulties you face are not that different in retrospect. The bottom line is, I can actually picture your show on Bravo or perhaps MTV, its really that entertaining. The dynamic you have with your clients and cousins is sublime in nature. Honestly, I think sometimes you would have made a great Hedge fund client manager. Instead of selling necklaces, you would be drumming up investors for potential funds within the firm.

    So, On that note, I want to say; go for the gold and continue the show. Season two will be epic, and the show should get picked up by wither MTV or VH1.

    Best,
    SD LO.

  • SteveFebruary 16, 2013 2:38 am

    Honesty is a beauty man and I love how you keep it 100 with yourself and viewers just letting you pr opinion flow I’m a businesman by day but family guy now all day everyday and that’s number one…..balance is harder than many can think cause they don’t have much to juggle but when you’re trying to make things happen and secure for your family it does take some balancing skills to ensure you never lose the important things such as you happiness and time with ou family. Bless

  • dukeFebruary 16, 2013 3:56 am

    Let me take a wild guess…the show, that you’ve been trying to get made for, what years now? hasn’t panned out like you thought it would (i.e. no network wants to pick it up). So your all depressed and acting like you don’t give a fuck. When, in actuality, getting recognized is one of the only things you care about. Don’t give us your boo hoo sob story about how you’re better than it all and don’t care about fame. Yes you have powerful friends and yes you’re a great jeweler but I hate to break it you, your not a celebrity and you never will be. You try too hard to create this image for yourself but what it comes down to in the end, is that you WORK for your clients, you’re their employee not their equals. Once you realize this and maybe I don’t know… stop thinking that your shit don’t stink… you might sleep easier. Shake your head all you want but its just some food for thought Mr. “baller”.

  • dukeFebruary 16, 2013 4:17 am

    Oh and P.S. i know you left college early or whatever but there’s this word, its called humility, you might want to look it up in the dictionary or something. *ip address 198.72.132.96*

  • rickyFebruary 16, 2013 6:15 am

    God damn Ben , long time no post but it was DOPE good material , Awesome pics and interesting . Worth the Wait …. Cant wait to see the new season !!!!

  • manuelFebruary 16, 2013 6:50 am

    your best bet is take your wife and your son throw all your phones in the top drawer and bounce, take your trip fuck the internet fuck, fuck everything outside of your family for a week or two clear your head man, what better way to forget all the bullshit than having alone time with the people who mean the most to you!!!!

  • Ben BallerFebruary 16, 2013 8:06 am

    Duke,
    I’ll let you guess and guess what? the more I think about it, you’re actually wrong. getting recognized? already accomplished that. I work for my clients? ok. and so? I don’t think I’m better than anyone and I also think I’m better than everyone. it balances itself out and I wish people had more of that competitive mindset. no sob story. I don’t care about the fame and the real issue if you want to know is. I wanted to be the talent on this show, not deal with the producer or any logistics side of things… but since you know it all, I’ll let you tell it. the real issue is, the show was supposed to wrapped by now. there’s about 4-5 days of shooting left and it’s real tough to get celebs to are willing to accommodate our shooting schedule. I understand they’re all busy, but that’s not my job to do. so when I leave it up to my producer and they end up abusing the privilege of having a celebs contact, we come into real issues. as for interest i.e. a tv network? panned out? they haven’t shopped the show yet. real talk. and I got nominated for a webby award, the show is a hit and the CEO of Electus has invited me over to his home and has discussed major agency representation i.e. CAA/WM….
    as for the LOUD channel, they are 1 of 15 channels that got renewed out of 100. so the channel is doing well and I’m one of their top shows
    here are some facts: 1. you are regardless of what you want to say definitely a fan of mine. either from afar or someone who at has been checking for me for years now. 2. a hater who in actuality is a fan and cares. so either way you’re on my bumper period. I’m not shaking my head at the food for thought. the real food is why think you know what’s going on unless you work for me? or with me? you don’t know shit about my life really. not what’s been going on in the last 6 months to my family, my home or my store. you can hide in DTLA all you want, but think really about how pussy it is to hide behind a CPU screen. it’s a sad thought. inside knowing that you are a punk. I couldn’t definitely ever sleep if that was my character. Once you realize this and come in contact with a real G, your life will change. throwing rocks and then hiding your hands is only a trait of a bitch or coward. and most cowards are raised by cowards too. I don’t ever want to be a celebrity and I don’t think I am one. don’t know if I’ll ever be, but the funny thing is I’m called a celebrity by the press and public. I suggest you have your friends at the production company or at your job give you better information. it’s gonna be an interesting ride 🙂

  • Ben BallerFebruary 16, 2013 8:15 am

    manuel, yeah I missed my plane to Houston yesterday due to some commitments with my collabs. so I’m going to head to Vegas for 5 days, then take some time off. the issue is, I feed people. or to be more specific; with my watch line or capsule collection, people realize and don’t realize that I’m responsible for some of these people eating. if I don’t push the line harder or do my duty to promote it the right way, I’m not giving a fair chance to the employees who work at these brands to eat. when I don’t get my show in on time to the production company, guess what? people might lose their jobs or things get fucked up. but I feel comfortable in what I’ve been doing. the great thing is. I’ve done beyond my call of duty for everything in my life currently. I’m thinking about going about my regular life as always and taking a vacation with my wife and son.

    the problem is, it’s not MY show when it’s a hit and when it flops, it’s all MY bad lol. shieeuuttttttt.

  • Ben BallerFebruary 16, 2013 8:19 am

    steve, I’ll be in Seattle in April for my in-store at Zumiez. more details will come with exact dates and time and location

  • Ben BallerFebruary 16, 2013 8:21 am

    SD, I hope it doesn’t go to MTV or VH1 because I want money and even though this is sort of my pilot, they don’t come with the right $$$ off top. I’m on some Monster Garage Jesse James shit, jersey shore maybe more popular, but they didn’t make that money he made on merchandising etc… but thanks

  • EllusivejFebruary 16, 2013 8:36 am

    Ben, at the end of the day you have your family and your close net of friends, thats all we need in life. I also strongly believe you have your loyal readers here that have watched your journey, everyone of my friends say that I talk about your blogs and inadvertantly i get inspired by your hard work and grind. Next time your in Seattle, pick out a flavor and i’ll have a few fatty’s rolled for you, courtesey of a long time loyal reader.

    Justin

  • CoryFebruary 16, 2013 9:24 am

    Whats good Ben, First let me start by saying my Heat are shitting all over your bull shit Lakers. now question why not build a site get a production partner, make the episodes release them for .99 or 1.99 on the site and have wshh and all the other people promote the shit out of it, split with the production company ( or cut them out and hire someone to shot and edit it for you ) and pocket the money. When you finish 10 episodes throw them on a dvd with some packaging and a mixtape you host and knock it out for 15.00 each . Why let someone else profit off your shit. ( I am always available for consulting ideas for the right price )

  • DylanFebruary 16, 2013 7:08 pm

    Ben, I started following your blog quite some time ago.. let me start out by saying this, you changed the game of flossing my dude. You were taking pictures of extravagant places and mouth watering food way before the rest of us were uploading bullshit pics to instagram.. and let us not forget that Ben Baller can troll the shit out of a thirsty broad better than anyone on the planet. Following your blog has always been something that has made me want more for myself. Your blog is something I can point to that made me hungry. I’m from a small town in southern Florida that is in no way, shape, or form “cool.” Most of the people I knew growing up are dead, in jail, addicted to drugs, or are alive and extremely unhappy. It’s people like you who started from the bottom (no pun intended) that make people like me look on in awe and say “I want that lifestyle.” The fact that you’re not uber famous is why I’ve always liked your style, and why I’ve continued to follow your blog. You misspell shit all the time and I love it, you vent like a volcano that is preparing to erupt…and I love it. You keep shit real 100% of the time, even it makes you look crazy. I started following your blog I think sometime around 08, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do but I knew I wanted more out of life. I knew I wanted big money, beautiful broads, good food, and a braggadocios lifestyle.. All of which you possess. I now live in NYC and have spent the past two years traveling and indulging in a lifestyle I never could have imagined. While I don’t get to check up on your blog as religiously as I once did, I still check it routinely and I just want to say thank you. I am not really one to comment, but I haven’t seen you post something with this kind of content in a while. As someone who has been reading for years, I can tell you that your writing has evolved, I used to read and laugh, and it was because you were funny. Over the years your writing has gone from trolling to tragedy to success and is now inspiration. One thing I never understood though, why is Ben Baller so anti fame? Maybe you need to accept that you’re built to be famous. The best part about the fame you have acquired is that is was earned, not bought. It is all hard work, not cosigned for, and not easily obtained.. Most famous people are corny, yes… But for every 100 corny famous folks out there, there is one individual that has made a name for themselves and earned the fame or popularity they’re associated with. Ben Baller, you my friend are one of those rare individuals. No gimmicks, no unwarranted beefs to gain notoriety, no shenanigans.. just your craft and your lifestyle. You should accept your fame, and keep the realness coming. Never stop. (one day I will cop some jewelry from you, hopefully soon.)

  • edFebruary 19, 2013 3:37 pm

    Hey Ben, I’ve been following for the last year since I finally had that break out year every entrepreneur wants. I started buying some jewelry, finally crossed off the 911 convertible on my bucket list, traveled everywhere, but I am tired as F*** and my poor sons barely know me anymore. After reading this update, its refreshing to see someone going through this and evaluating whats next. Take some time off, your just pissed now… you always told us to “keep grinding” because you never know when its gonna end.. so thats what I do… but I am def open to taking a break for awhile… maybe you should do the same.. I’m sure things will work out… f**** the show, it’s not worth the headache.

  • ChadFebruary 19, 2013 10:56 pm

    Dreams of making 8 figures right? Well I just started a social network, I need your connects to shop it in Silicon Valley, San Francisco. 8 figures guaranteed if we get one of these venture capitalist firms to come onboard. Invest in yourself and invest in what makes sense.

  • MLopezFebruary 21, 2013 12:37 pm

    Season 2 is looking good. You need your own TV show already. Fuck!

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